Monday, April 1, 2013

The World's Most Provocative Piece of Terrain

After pushing the literary boundaries of the blogosphere with my previous  Hunter S. Thompson inspired post, it was only a matter of time until I would reveal a terrain masterpiece from my past to turn the gaming and art worlds upside down...literally.

I bring you The World's Most Provocative Piece of Terrain (capitalized on purpose):

This mind-locking piece of terrain is nothing short of a masterpiece.  I don't hesitate for one second to call this pro-painted.  I could list this on eBay for $199.99, no problem, but this is going to stay in my family for generations; it is in my will for my first born son.  Using only the greatest terrain building techniques of the early 1990's, it also has something only true art possesses: A thought provoking paradox!  How did that pirate ship end up in that field?  Think Tardis here, it's on par.  Sure, put it on a Warhammer or D&D  table and you could say it was High Elven magic, or a 9th level spell, but put it on a Saga or Bolt Action table...What the deuce!  MIND BLOWN!  More splattered heads than an episode of Walking Dead.  Before I bring this piece of terrain out, I'm forced to make the feeble minded to go home, it's that psychologically dangerous. (Plus, they are D &D players for the most part anyway so I'm looking for an excuse to get rid of them.  No way they could pass this saving throw).

Right now, I'm sure you are thinking, how did this mere mortal produce this and why isn't it in the Louvre.  As a gift to the gaming and art community, I'm willing to share my techniques because that is the type of person I am.  Prepare yourself...

The Flock

Use real flock.  Not that blow in the wind, multi-colored static grass or Silfor tufts, but buy in it a bag that will last you a life time flock.  I only use Elmer's school glue from Staples, it's worth the extra 75 cents.  Remember, this is a family heirloom level terrain.

The Foliage:

I prefer the natural look of lichen.  Ever since I found out it's real, I used it.  No shredded artificial foam stuff here. I studied each piece in the bag for hours to find the two best ones to use.  It was worth it.

The Paint Job:

I only use Michael's paints since that is where real artists shop.  In order to spend more time painting, I have my wife pick some paints up when she is shopping for fake plants and items for what ever crappy crafts she is into that week.

When it comes to base coating, I prefer a medium texture roller for 15mm and a heavy texture roller for 28mm.  Finished base coating some FOW Panzergrenadiers tonight:

I use this deck brush my wife purchased at Home Depot to dry brush.  It's more expensive than a paint brush, but man is it efficient!:

I will sleep well tonight knowing I have made the gaming community that much better.  But be careful, with great terrain comes great responsibility.  Come to think of it, I better get this piece insured.  Another great tip.

1 comment:

  1. I think your way under appraising this master piece!

    Thanks for this. Having a good laugh. :)